The following text is going to be difficult for many of you (black women especially) to digest…but seeing as I am one of the very FEW black-moderated/African-moderated blogs that will call out the FOOLISHNESS that goes on among black folks (American or foreign), I have to speak up. I will NOT allow those who call themselves black, African, black woman, Nigerian, Kenyan, etc, to publicly embarrass and bring shame upon themselves and MY group. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
I applaud white Americans when they shame their fellow white Americans who act of their prejudices. Jews keep their own in order, Mormons keep their own in order, certain Asian groups in the USA keep their own in order, so i EXPECT black people, namely African groups, to do so. From what I can observe, Africans in this country are very good about working hard and succeeding and have numerous stats about our success to prove that as do other ethinic groups here.
I had hoped that the dysfunction I see among some African-Americans (not all, but some) would not reach those black Americans born to immigrant Africans or those Africans who have immigrated here in their teens and early adulthood. Apparently that dysfunction is so strong that I am starting to see tiny little cracks in the foundation that our African parents worked to the BONE to build so that we and our descendants may succeed in the West.
You know how hard life if for your relatives back home and some of you or your friends want to make life difficult for yourself in the UK and US??? why????
SO no, I will NOT keep quiet about my opinions regarding black women the slippery slope we face here in the west. I thank those of you who left words of encouragement in my inbox. A lot of us think we are off on an island somewhere with our opinions, when in fact many of us share these concerns.
[sidenote: Black men who are 1st and 2nd generation Americans had better be paying attention, because the foolishness you see on display by your fellow AA-brothers will NOT be tolerated en masse by African and black women from the diaspora. I can promise you that oh. If African men are smart, they will do as other men of functioning groups do and as YOUR FATHERS AND UNCLES AND GRANDFATHERS did and take EVERY measure necessary to ensure the women of YOUR group are taken care of and uplifted. when the WOMEN of society prosper, the ENTIRE group prospers.<—That sentence should be drilled into everyone’s head. in 2014 and onward, AA men will continue to see the consequences of not protecting and caring for AA women and children and so far it has been not a pretty sight.]
The last straw for me was seeing a recent article (i call it poison which is why i will NOT leave a link) by a fellow African woman who has clearly been brainwashed by certain black-male focused interest groups here in the US. NOW we are seeing dysfunctional AA’s target African women and other women in the diaspora to be used as “grunts and sista soldiers” on behalf of certain dysfunctional people in this (USA) country.
My dad warned me about how this stuff and how I should stay on my path and continue to focus on bettering myself. I laughed and thought he was being paranoid.,..*sigh….youth*
"Thrice cursed are the weak who’s insecurities make them vile…for they shall SERVE and SUFFER."
Many Black Women believe, that by standing by the black community and black men, they are endearing themselves to both, and that eventually, in return, they will be honored and exalted. But Dark Wisdom knows better. This line of thinking goes not only against human nature, but demonstrates little understanding of the dark side of Ego, which is at the very basis of Patriarchy - the paradigm in which all women currently live. The basic premise of Male Domination and Father Right, is that men, when they WORK, PROVIDE FOR and PROTECT the Order of Men (through competition, valiance, dominance, defense of the system and PRODUCTION of some kind) win the ‘Spoils’ and are rewarded with the exclusive rights to POSSESSIONS; possessions which include a woman (Wife) and children (sons) he knows are his to carry on his name and secure his legacy of accumulated wealth and resources via inheritance. Any male raised in this system will come to understand these motivations that define “Manhood’, even if he, himself has no father/role model to explain it to him or no men to demonstrate this set up. If he has access to a television, he knows what other men do, especially men of groups who wield POWER. And he knows, by the time his 10 years old, whether HE is positioned to compete with MEN OF POWER on the terms dictated by the system.
No matter how much his Mother tries to buffer his disadvantage, and how much the men in his immediate sphere of influence fail to live up to these standards, a black male knows what defines Manhood within the dominant culture of the system in which he lives- even if he has no idea how to execute those requirements. Eventually, he will be forced to reckon with other males in that system (both those privileged and those disadvantaged) based on the rules and guidelines that govern it, and will realize the connection to both his identity and VALUE, based on his position in the hierarchy.
Black boys learn early what Manhood expects of them, and most of them learn early that they, as black males, are not going to be offered the opportunity to achieve proper Manhood in the system they live in. This has lead over time, to a creation of an alternate form of “Manhood’ - one that adheres to the basic impulses of ‘Masculinity’ by indulging the base desires and interest of MALENESS (sexual desire & conquest, brute force over the weak, rivalry & competition with other males, territorial expressions of dominance, and the ability to manipulate and control the women in their environment emotionally, physically and psychologically), but not the mile markers of MANHOOD dictated by the Power Structures of the system. They are operating in a “Pseudo Manhood’, that is not predicated on the achievements that distinguish “Maleness” and “Masculinity’ from “Manhood”. Black women know that their sons are underprivileged in this area, and so we attempt to bridge the gaps, soften the blows and in some cases, literally *TAKE THE HITS* so that he doesn’t have to. We believe that “loving” black males UNCONDITIONALLY, will result in them rising up to reclaim their seat as Men. All he needs is time. We think that if we guard the pen and protect him from outside attacks while he gathers his bearings and gets his mind right, he will eventually learn to embody the Manhood defined by the outside world, and we will benefit from his displays of Benevolent Patriarchy as he gains a seat at the larger table of Power. And we think that when he gets this seat, he will elevate both us and our children to the level of other races of women and children. We want him to be a contender, and the only way we know how to help him do it, is to DO IT FOR HIM, like the Mother of a small child would. We think if we just carry the load long enough to give him a chance to mature, he will eventually come back and reclaim his True Manhood, for us and our community.
He. Will. Not.
Why? Because protecting, defending and coddling males who do not produce and do not provide, INFANTILIZES them, thereby preventing them from “Man’ing Up”. Infantilized adult males hate their Mothers because their Mothers encourage them to exist on terms other Men are not allowed to. BW have offered black males the rewards that MEN (under Patriarchy and Father Right) are supposed to reap (sex, children, access, comfort, love) based solely on his Maleness and Masculinity…and he hates you - and himself, for it. You are not only evidence of his inability to succeed, but the REASON for it. He sees other races of men strive FOR their women - work FOR their children. He sees the “Manhood” that other races of men abide by, lead to Power and Dominance and the ability to command respect and build an infrastructure in which to place families, perpetuate the group and secure HIS genetic legacy. His inability to do as other men do, translates in his mind as you and YOUR images’ inability to prepare and INSPIRE him to do it, and he begins to associate you with struggle and pain as watches you stand in the gaps for him, taking HIS licks. YOUR image is not the one he imagines next to him as he conquers the world. YOUR image is not the one he seeks to protect and provide for. Your image comes to signify his weakness and his inability to compete with other men on THEIR TERMS. YOUR image is only good for guard-dogging him as he licks his wounds, blames the world, and marks his territory with sperm, self pity and violence. YOU become “VILE” in his eyes, because as the Source of his Creation, you cannot offer him what other races of men derive from their women in the Father Right.
So you “Suffer and Serve’ under his hatred of you. Your very existence reminds him that he is not a man under patriarchy and your behavior takes the REMAINING power he may have access to, away. By not holding to him the standards other women hold their men to, you allow him to wallow in the pseudo BLACK ‘manhood” of Masculinity and Maleness, by stroking his dick and his ego, inspiring nothing in him and asking nothing from him. HE can’t compete and WIN! with this false identity of Maleness (even as he clings to it and encourages your support of it), so you are no longer seen as the ‘Spoils’ of his Manhood. Your image, instead, becomes that which is ‘spoiled’ and wretched in his eyes.
And The Wretched is a Vile lot, whose only purpose is to SUFFER and SERVE. Its true when they say “The meek shall inherit the earth’.
If and when the black male finally does produce and provide, it will be for women who represent the Spoils he feels entitled to as reward for his success. Not you. YOU are the long suffering reminder of his inadequacy. YOU are the physical representation of all he can NOT do in the world. YOU… the living breathing embodiment of why he is hated - why his Manhood and Humanity have been called into question. You - the source of his BLACKNESS, become the BANE of his existence. And even as he leans on you, depends on you and encourages your ongoing defense of him, he will do EVERYTHING he can to compromise you, reject you, manipulate you and get away from you and what you represent, the moment he can escape.
THIS, you MUST understand as a black woman. YOUR coddling of bullshit, standing in gaps, buffering his licks and defending him to the end in the name of “love’, is EXACTLY why he hates you, and seeks validation in the arms of the woman who holds him to the standards… OF MEN. THIS is why The Becky Brigade usually only deals with the BEST and BRIGHTEST of YOUR men. She doesn’t want YOUR rejects. Belie’dat.
Keep thinking your UNCONDITIONAL LOVE will bring him around. Keep rushing out like Wonder Woman, standing in the place that MANHOOD tells him HE should occupy. Keep believing that you’re ‘fighting’ for him, taking bullets, facing dogs and police batons, will give him enough time to recover and reclaim his shit.
You will continue to suffer and serve, and watch as he takes YOUR sacrifice, and hands it to a woman who looks nothing like you - even as he places YOU in the front lines in the war against him. Keep representing ‘weakness’ and ‘struggle’ - guard dogging and scapegoating; keep offering yourself as the WILLING SACRIFICE to him, and you will stay CURSED as a woman. NO MAN - black white or other….. wants a woman who reminds him of his failure as Man. No man will elevate himself to exalt the “the help”. You can repeat “You eeis speshul. You eeis kiiiinnd. You eeis impOtint” til the cows come home. It. Wont. Matter. ALL Men work to gain access to the women they feel have VALUE and who make them PROVE their worthiness of her. Black WOMEN are no longer CONTENDERS in that reality. And for that we SUFFER and SERVE.
YOU don’t have to LIKE this fact. You simply must accept it and then act accordingly.
Do I believe there is hope for black folk. NOT really. But if there IS a slither of a chance, it will NOT be built on the foundation of this thing black women are doing. Stop being the ‘struggle’, stop going to war for him, stop guard dogging and stop coddling bullshit in him and you just might stand a chance for your people. Keep doing what you’ve been doing - giving him ONE SIDED LOYALTY and you’ll face HIV, abuse, neglect, abandonment, rejection and BULLETS in his name.
Unconditional love is for Suckas.
Get Crafty or stay cursed. The Choice is YOURS.
Again, this blog does NOT debate the safety and security of black women, so any messages from trolls who wish to do so will be deleted/blocked.